October 24, 2010

George, George, George Of The Bungle

Filed under: Movies — Tags: , — Saint Waldo @ 1:59 AM

Please join me in hoping that George Lucas isn’t this stupid, vain or cruel.

If it’s another set of Joseph-Campbell-filtered-through-Akira-Kurosawa potential myths, sign me up.

If it’s another set of Phil-Donahue-filtered-through-C-SPAN political bullshit, shoot Lucas now.

Let me tell you something kids: Weed, acid and cocaine fueled the first trilogy he made, and that trilogy changed storytelling for two decades. Chai lattes, white guilt and mortgages fueled the second, and that trilogy couldn’t change my pants. I think my point should be easy to see.

October 9, 2010

Into The Valley Of Death Rode The Three Hundred (Eighty Million)

Filed under: Thoughts — Saint Waldo @ 12:20 PM

In which the Light Brigade be the US. All of us.

Hey. Assholes. Yeah, I’m talking to the obstructionist dipshits who want to pretend that all this carnage around us is the victim’s fault. You also may answer to the names, “Republican”, “Blue Dog”, “Conservative”, “Moderate”, or, in doublespeak at its most insidious and modern, “Centrist”. Keep blocking up like this, you’ll just kill the body that you so enjoy polluting by refusing to do your job.

We can go to war in Iraq and Afghanistan, and threaten to blow Iran off the face of the planet. We can conduct a nonstop campaign of drone and helicopter attacks in Pakistan and run a network of secret prisons around the world. We are the mightiest nation mankind has ever seen.

But we can’t seem to build a railroad tunnel to carry commuters between New Jersey and New York.

The United States is not just losing its capacity to do great things. It’s losing its soul. It’s speeding down an increasingly rubble-strewn path to a region where being second rate is good enough.

Addendum: The Krugmaninator weighed in a few days ago, was what I originally wanted to link to, and I blame work and this shitty JJ Abrams Star Trek date rape of a movie on Netflix for all delays.

What the Fuck Did You Expect, Dipshits?

This is what happens when you trust your clever bullshit to the Libyan government. All you internet geniuses should have known better and seen this coming. Your whole “let’s one up tinyurl.com for no fucking good reason” cuteness has been under Sharia Law since you started.

Anyone else starting to see a parallel between “Newspeak” and “140 characters max”? It appears that Twitter, as the major force in making bit.ly what it is today, might actually be, in a word, EVIL. Or at least an adversary of real communication, the most positive evidence of humanity’s continued cognition and cogitation.

Score one for totalitarianism, with a major assist from the internet. Not exactly the “route around the problem” profile we were all sold on, is it?

September 29, 2010

Kinect Is Your Mom…

Filed under: Games,Microsoft Fully Sucks,Microsoft Hates Its Users,Motionyness — Tags: , , , , — Saint Waldo @ 10:18 AM

…and the bitch won’t shut the fuck up about cleaning your room. Or at least, won’t stop making it a way to blame YOU for anything that goes wrong.

This is why having a glowing ball at the end of a wand may LOOK silly, but it’s actually better overall. If you played Tony Hawk’s Ride (we sorry bastards), you know how fucked up these req’s are. Hey MS, what about my checkerboard carpet?

To the extent that they again seem to be biting off more than they can chew as well as feebly trying to one-up the un-one-uppable, this just might the relevant formula:

Kinect = Microsoft Bob + Games For Windows

Have fun having fun with that.

September 19, 2010

“Goes Into The Garage And Listens To His Police Scanner”

Filed under: Thoughts — Tags: , , — Saint Waldo @ 4:45 AM

He’s been getting consistently more wobbly on a lot of stuff (dude, the one-on-one format was fucking Bill Moyers awesome, stop going for bucks and just step into history), but more often than not, Bill Maher is just fucking right. Here’s but the latest example:

He’s not my brother, but I’ve certainly talked to “that guy” more than once in the past few years.

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